Why I can never own a truck

I love trucks…

really I do.

If anything says that you are a man…

Or a manly woman

It’s a truck.

There is something to a truck pulling up into a parking lot that says “I’m here, rough and ready to work”

Except of course the little trucks that are want-a-be cars…

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You know the ones I’m talking about.

But as much as I love trucks I can never own one

Why?

It’s not because of my wife

It’s not because I haven’t looked at one and thought about it

It really comes down to I don’t meet any of the qualifications that are requiered to own one.

What are those requirements?

Well let me list them for you.

Requirement 1 – you must drive 10 to 15 miles slower than the speed limit on a country road, or back road.

Requirement number 2 – if you do not do requirement one ( see above) you must vary in speed by 20miles per hour every “five minutes”. This means you will go from 55 miles per hour to 35 miles per hour the first five minutes then for the second five minutes you will go from 35 miles per hour back to 55 miles per hour and then repeat.

Requirement number 3 – you must spit your tobacco out the window from time to time… Don’t worry about the windshield of the car behind you… The fact it splatters that car window should not bother you. If it does you need to sell your truck and get a mini van

Requirement number 4 – you must always stop in the middle of the road in order to talk to your neighbor coming the other direction… For that is safer than using your phone

Requirement number 5 – the max speed you should go while talking on your “flip” phone is 30 miles per hour regardless of the speed limit.

I do not meet any of these requirements… So instead of getting my man card revoked by not operating by these rules I will just stick with my red car and make sure I am aways stocked up on windshield washer fluid…

And keep lovin those trucks…

But never owning one

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